March 11, 2010

Our gal in the GPS device

Her name is Serena. I’m not overly fond of her voice, but I’m obliged to listen to it if I want to stay out of travel trouble. I’m used to her now, having accompanied her on many forays into unknown territory. In unfamiliar regions, with hard deadlines to honour, Serena’s the gal. Some are not as comfortable. Some start with disdain and distrust. Some have occasional heated disputes with Serena.

These are some of the heated disputes that occurred on our recent trip – and I’m not saying it was me who had these disputes.

  1. How on earth do I program my destination? Why are you so mysterious, and what are *POIs?
  2. Stay where I stick you, Serena. Stay, I say. Stay.
  3. Oh, shut up, Serena. Your voice is irritating, dispassionate and you have trouble with your “r”s. Anyway, I know where I’m going and do not need you.
  4. You’re going the long way, Serena. The map is showing a different route which I’ll bet the farm is faster.
  5. You’re going the wrong way, Serena. I’ve been here before and I have no memory of this particular strip mall.
  6. That’s it. You’re going in the glove compartment. After all, I have  someone in the  navigator’s seat who reads very well when she puts on reading glasses which seem always to be tucked away in the bottom of her purse.
  7. Well, and I say this begrudgingly, you may be allowed to return temporarily. The glasses cannot be found (to be fair, this particular heated dispute is with the party in the navigator’s seat).
  8. You may be in a small snit, Serena, but please allow yourself to be stuck on the windshield again. Please I say. Please
  9. Don’t make me stop this van to reprogram you for Rossland, BC and not Rossland, AB.
  10. It is your fault that I have to stop this van to reprogram you for Rossland, BC and not Rossland, AB.
  11. I don’t have time to mess around with your high-handed directions. Now I’ll have to turn this rig around.
  12. I don’t have time for my high-handed directions. Now, I’ll have to turn this rig around. It’s your fault.

I say this to everyone else in the van: I’m sorry for the anxious outburst that caused me to scream a four letter word and demand we do a U turn on an unfamiliar road. I blame Serena. I’m sorry that the little talks I had with myself every night to come to some reconciliation with Serena did not bear fruit. I’m sorry I missed the turn off to Sherwood Park. I’m sorry you had to witness all this.

Were I Serena, I might be a tad thin skinned about the heaped abuse she bore during that last trip. But I am…well, me.

Not the appropriately named Serena.

*Points of interest. Unlike this blog.


One Response to “Our gal in the GPS device”
  1. Bird

    I understand completely. We have ‘Lori’. Lori has a pleasant and soothing voice. She is always saying, ‘please turn around when possible’ however. This is difficult in a 4 lane highway. Some day she may soothingly cause me to commit a U-y on the 102.